My fear My heart
by Raven666Raven
Summary: The feeling's in my heart for you is forever but with it the fear of losing you is life draining...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the MGLN characters.

The fear in my heart…

"What's wrong with you?"

"One moment you're all over me, then another you're ignoring me like I'm some sort of stranger."

"What exactly is wrong with you?" The sudden outburst of the oranged haired girl made her roommate and best friend jump from her sit from shock. Standing still from where she was. The blue haired girl slowly looked back over her shoulder to friend, who was still fuming with anger.

Still in shock from her friend's outburst the only word she could say was "Te..ea.."

Tea looking at her friend like she was about to eat her alive continued her outburst.

"Don't Tea me? Subaru that won't stop me from knowing what I want from you and you know it."

"What is wrong with you ever since the accident you've been acting strange? God and it's annoying me to no end because you know I worry."

"Just like today you were clinging to me like I'm a criminal under surveillance and when we enter the dorm you just left my side like I'm just someone who you happen to meet outside. "

Recovering from her shock she watched her friend lash out all her anger at her. Her mind then started drifting off to the accident that happened six months ago.

The two of them we're on a rescue mission on one of the unadministered planet after receiving a distress call from one of the research facilities.

It was under attack by a rogue mage named Lancelot. The mission was going smoothly until Lancelot decided that blowing the whole facility will make his work a lot easier. Lancelot then conjured a huge magic circle and started chanting a wide range destruction spell that will cause the whole facility to blow up and with it the personnel's that we're responsible to his younger brother's death.

Tea however tried to stop the spell from being completed but was late by a second to stop it. When the said spell fully activated tea was to close to escape and thus decided that she'll just cast a barrier to stop the spell from killing her. The spell however was more powerful than she thought thus the barrier that she casted was not strong enough to support her through the blast and ended up being blown with the facility. Subaru who was but a mile away trying to help the personnel escape was unable to rescue tea and could only stare and shout her friends name as the whole facility blow up in smoke.

Her mind was pulled back from reminiscing the past when Tea suddenly shouted her name.

SUBARU...you…you..BAKA.! After shouting that Subaru looked at tea in shock again only to be stared at by her enraged friend.

Tea then sighed trying to compose herself a bit for a second before looking at Subaru again. This time gaining a little bit of her composure back she looked straight into subaru's eyes.

"Subaru you…"letting the word settle in first to get her friend to look at her she then continued "You're blaming yourself again for what happened to me right. " Her friend then looked at her and was going to say something when she started talking again. "I know…. You know I know you better than that and because I know you. I know something is bothering you..We're friends Subaru even if I try to deny it I still see you as one of my close friend. It worries me to see you like this. I don't even blame you so why do you keep blaming yourself for what happened to me. It was an accident Subaru, an accident. So stop blaming yourself or think you we're weak just because you saw me got hurt and wasn't able to protect me. Okie."

Subaru was not able to talk back. She knew Tea was right but tea doesn't know the real reason she's been acting weird was not only about that. Subaru was guilty that she was not able to protect her friend but what made it worse was the girl that got hurt was not just a friend to her but the person who she held dear to her heart.

She realized it back at the hospital. As she saw Tea laying on the hospital bed. With all the life support machine connected to her that helped her to survive. As she looked at her she made a promise to herself that she'll do everything to never let that happen to Tea again.

Again Subaru was called back from reminiscing by Tea's voice. It wasn't like the first one this time Tea called her name with concern on her tone. It seemed that while she was drifting off to the past Tea was talking about something important and when Subaru hasn't answered she got worried. So she started calling her name.

She took a long breath then looking at her worried friend she sighed again. This time when Tea was about to ask her again she cut her of saying "Tea, I'm fine really, I'm just tired." Closing the transparent screen on her table she started to walk toward there bunked bed. Climbing a small latter on the side of the bed she then lay herself on her bed.

Tea could only look at her for awhile before she to walked toward her bed. She then shoot a tiny orange ball toward the light switch turning the light off. Before she drift off to sleep she once more called Subaru telling her that they'll finish their talk tomorrow.

Subaru only answered her with a groan and said "Umm"

WOW! I actually wrote one nyahaha. This is my first Fanfic I never thought I'll succeed in writing on being the person I am nyahaha. I do have a lot of idea for a plot though I'm not really good at writing. So please review if possible comment on my writing skill so that I'll be able to improve it. Please let me know as well if I got the spelling wrong. Thanks.


	2. Chapter 2

Here's the second chapter hehehe I hope you like it….

Disclaimer : I don't own any of the MGLN character.

Chapter 2

The next morning Tea was awakened earlier than expected. She looked at the clock at the top of the table. It was only 4:00 in the morning slowly looking up. She thought about what happened last night and suddenly she found herself asking "What's wrong with me? Why am i so bothered about that stupid Subaru ignoring me anyway? It's just weird. This really never bothered me before but why now then? It doesn't make any sense.

Her silent questioning was stopped by the sudden movement on the bed at the top of the bunked bed. After a few seconds the movement stopped. She then realize that she was holding her breath and let out a deep sigh. Thinking that laying on her bed will only let her mind wonder back to the questions she's been silently asking herself she decided to get off her bed and take a shower. Unknown to her Subaru was also awake. Feeling her best friend leave the bed she decided to look at the ceiling and sighed. She then thought about the feeling she can't tell her friend that's been causing her to act weirdly. After a few second she whispered to herself "I can't be like this, it will only hurt as both for a combat robot I sure 'm a coward." Sighing once more she continued "why can't I just tell her already what I'm feeling? I'm not really good at lying anyway. See I try lying and that took me to her shouting at me like that, I'm such a coward." Cursing herself she then prompts to sit on her bed.

Her silent cursing was stop when Tea called her name. "Subaru…."

Hearing her friend call out her name she looks at where the voice was coming from. The door to their shared room was open and standing there was the girl that took her heart away. Her shoulder long hair still wet from the bath holding a towel on the left hand and looking at her with a bit of amusement and disbelief. Her stare was cut off by her friend sudden comment.

"Subaru this is _a_ surprise _you_ never wake up early in the morning." Somehow Tea managed to add a little mocking tone on her comment.

Glancing on the clock on top of the table Subaru realizes that it was only 6:00 in the morning when she usually wake up at 8.

All Subaru could do is look down on her hand and answer a weak "yeah" then an awkward silence followed broken only by Subaru who by then was slowly scamper down her bed to grab a towel and try to pass Tea who was still standing by the door.

Just when Subaru was about to pass the door a hand stopped her from going farther making her look back at the owner of the hand that was stopping her. Tea with an emotionless face looked at her tried to meet her eyes but Subaru faced left stopping their eyes from meeting. Tea then sighed and said "Let's talk after your done taking a bath okie."

Subaru without looking at her friend answered "Okie" weakly. Then running to where the shower room is left Tea following her with her eyes.

On the shower room Subaru was letting the warm water from the shower flow freely on her. She was trying to think of away to run away from what she thought was a war field waiting for her to enter in. She knew that Tea was going to ask her question's she knew she doesn't want to answer yet not until she's prepared. As the time flow by and she still was not able to think of a way to get out of this predicament without anyone getting hurt she then thought that staying in the shower room was only prolonging the inevitable. She then took her towel and dried herself getting her dress from the locker she then head back toward their room.

Tea was sitting on the table looking at the door when it suddenly opened revealing a refreshed yet gloomy Subaru. Not long after the door was closed Tea spoke with restrained impatience and anger underlying her tone.

"Subaru care to_ tell_ me now what _I_ want to _know_?" giving emphasis on some of her work to tell her friend that she's serious and don't want lies for an answer.

Hearing her friend Subaru couldn't help yelping a little from where she stands. Trying to calm herself she tried to call her friend's name only to be thrown with dagger like stares. Still trying to find a way out she couldn't help cursing herself for her cowardice. At that time she thought that receiving a point blank starlight breaker was easier to take than her circumstance now being like she was a trapped animal that's been constantly watch and that if she made the wrong move then she's dead.

She then mentally tried to calm down by saying "_Calm down Subaru and just be honest, tell her how you feel and everything will be fine_."

"_Yeah right like that will happen telling her my feeling then what ruining are friendship, I'm not crazy to do that yet_."

"_But think you just need to say you love her not just as a friend but more than that now is that too hard._"

"_I_ _say yes it's hard, I'd take 5 no 10 starlight breaker any day than tell my best friend I love her_."

"Why is there no manual for this anyway then that will make my life so much more easier." While she was busy mumbling this she fail to realize that her mind link was open and that Tea heard her thought.

She only realize this when Tea out of shock spoke to her mentally. Looking at her friend she thought she saw a grave stone with her name on it appear in front of her. She then called her friend and tried to explain her thought.

Tea who was still in shock from what she found out realizes that before Subaru can explain herself she has already stood up open the door and run to the training ground not looking back. She then kept on running. Until she was out of breathe. Stopping for a minute she thought of what just happened again in her mind. She was asking Subaru a question and seeming that her friend was in deep thought she tried to see what her friend was thinking via mental link and seeing that it was open she heard her friends' thought. Her friend was of a way to tell her that she was _in_ love with her that lead to her running away.

Subaru on the other hand was left on their room thinking she was so stupid and that that was the end of their friendship. Cursing herself for falling in love with her best friend and her said friend finding it out like that before she could properly prepare herself.

"Stupid, stupid, stupiiiiiid why I'm I so stupid a god I want to die." Now what will I do she hate me now I just knew it she's disgusted at me now aaaarrrggggggggghh."


	3. Chapter 3

Hello it's me again I'm sorry I took to long to update my work no thanks to my annoying little brother in all but what the heck. Please enjoy this chapter and please review more comment much better to improve my writing style Nyahaha no seriously more comment plzzzzz.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the MLGN characters.

Chapter 3

After running away from Subaru she received an urgent call from her friend and superior Enforcer Fate T. Harlown informing her that a new lead had surfaced and that they are to meet for a briefing to apprehend the criminal. Without returning to their room or leaving a work for Subaru she immediately went toward the office. Once there she then proceeds to go to the locker room where she keeps her spare uniform for such an emergency. After changing she then went to the briefing room to listen to her superior about what to happen on the said operation to apprehend the criminal.

~~_Two weeks Later_~~

Tea was standing by the door she was hesitating if she would just enter or if she would just run away thinking that Subaru was waiting for her inside the room. After a few more minute of hesitation she finally decided that she would knock first to inform whoever is inside to her entrance. She has never done that before. Before she would just enter with no regard to her roommate's privacy or maybe the fact that she would get pounce at even before she enters the said room by her roommate. Now however she feels strange to just enter her room just because it was also _her_ room. She then again found it strange that after all the knocking she's done their seems to be no respond from inside the room not even a little bit of motion or the usual someone falling out of bed to open the door. She then slowly opened the door. What met her was an empty dark room. She then flicked a switch near the door to open the lights. Once the lights were opened. She then started to scan the room as if looking for something or someone. She then realize that no one was there after a while she one more scan the room.

Her eyes were stopped when she spotted a piece of paper lying upside down on the table. She walks toward the said paper to grab it only to stop midway to inspect the paper. It turned out the paper was a letter. Seeing that it was indeed a letter she felt anxious. Subaru never left her a letter when she goes out. She would only leave her a note stating what she was doing. This behavior at first irritated her because she thought that Subaru is acting childish even though she's a grown woman. But after she reprimanded Subaru about the said behavior and Subaru still seemed to continue it she then dropped the issue and let her friend do what she wants. Now a day's thought this behavior seems to put her at ease for some reason she can't seem to explain. Knowing what Subaru is doing seems to calm her but she doesn't even understand why.

As she reaches for the letter her heart seems to quicken and a feeling of dread and unease overtook her. She slowly opened the letter for a minute she thought that a void has opened where her heart should have been. As she read through the letter her stomach started to churn and her heart seems to falter from its normal beat. When she finishes reading the letter she just stood where she was dropping the envelope where the letter was placed. She stood there for sometime in a daze.

She was brought back to reality when I solitary drop of tear hit her arms, soon though the tear was followed by another one. She slowly reached for her now wet cheek to confirm the fact that she was indeed crying. She never realized when she started crying. Feeling weak she prompts to stagger toward her bed to sit on its side. She then once more started rereading the letter.

_Dear Tea_,

_I'm sorry that I was not able to wait for you any longer to return. Every day since the day you left without a word I've waited for you to return. Every day that pass by that you have not returned I started to worry and soon I started to feel angry and pity for myself. But you know what, that was not the worse of it. You left without saying a word I can understand that but…but..but then I started thinking what if you decided to leave because you hate me and that you're disgusted at me. The thought is killing me slowly as the day's pass by. Then another thought cross my mind what if you're purposely not coming home because of me. What if…what if you thought that I was using are friendship to come close to you and flirt with you and touch you. I could not live with myself if you started thinking of me like that. But I still waited if only to know your answer. I could live with you hating me but if you though that the friendship that we shared was only a plot to be near you then I'd die. _

_The time pass as I wait for you to return was harsh. Tea do you know that waiting for you in this room is killing slowly with my thought. As I wait for you the memories we share in this room haunt me it's tearing my heart apart but I still waited for you. Tea after waiting for so long without hearing anything from you and with my heart torn to pieces I decided to leave without meeting you. I just can't wait any longer because if I still wait then you come back only to say that I disgust you then this already torn heart might cause my death. I'm not as strong as you think of me Tea. I'm just a coward. Though Tea whatever it is that you heard was true. I do love you not just as a friend but also as something more. I'm really sorry I never did plan to let you know this. I plan to keep it locked up and sealed on the deepest part of my heart. But because of the accident I was no longer able to keep it sealed just the thought of you dying was horrible it tore my heart to pieces. Tea I will leave you now. Because I know we need time you more so than me. But always remember Tea I did really enjoy are friendship while it last until my feeling for you grow out of proportion so I need you to at least believe me when I say I didn't use our friendship to get close to you. But because back then I really did love you as a friend._

_Tea….I Love you….Good bye…_

_Subaru_

As Tea finish rereading the letter. Tea could almost feel what Subaru was feeling. The letter has some drops of Subaru's tears. It was apparent when she saw some part smudge and some other parts are discolored. Thus she couldn't stop herself from once more shedding tears. She realize after reading Subaru's letter that she too was in love with Subaru. Why else would she fell like the end of the world doesn't matter but Subaru leaving does. Like Subaru she started to dread the fact that the other girl was not around. She too started to see the memories that the both of them shared on that very room thus she felt as if her heart was being pulled out and stab by a million knives. She then has one thought running through her mind she must find Subaru she just has to.

"Stu…pid..Su..ba…ru" as she tried to say her name after each sob.

"Why did you not wait a little bit more stupid then I would have told you how I feel." As she started to calm herself.

"When I found you..you are so gonna pay for this." She started to wipe away her tears.

After a few more minute she has finally started to calm down. She then went to the bathroom and splashes her face with water. After doing it and feeling a little bit better she then returned to the room. She then prompts herself to pop a few transparent screens as she calls for some people.

After making her calls and giving instruction to the once she called she then started to prepare for the confrontation that she's sure will happen after a few hour.

~0~

Subaru was standing by the park. For reasons she don't know her friend and instructor Takamachi Nanoha told her to meet her there.

As she stand by the park she could help think about her friend and if she was doing will. She also wonders if her friend had read her letter and if she understood the reason why she left.

Still in deep thought she failed to see a certain orange haired girl approach her. The said girl sat beside her without saying any word.

Subaru then let of a heavy sigh

"Tea…"

Still not realizing the girl sitting beside her she continued mulling in her though.

"I wonder if she already read my letter what could have been her reaction." She then looked up toward the night sky. Then once more she started voicing out her though "I wish she understood what I wanted to say. I really did love her as my best friend. It's just this stupid stupid heart of mine decided on her own to love her more than that. Now look what happens. jezzz."

Suddenly the girl who was not so patiently waiting for the other girl to realize her existence spoke.

"Yup, you really are stupid. You didn't even wait for me to answer your confession and now you're acting like some crazy emo girl who talks to herself on the park at night alone." There was a tinge of irritation to the voice as well as suppressed anger.

Subaru jerk in a standing position as she heard the comment. Looking to her side she saw the owner of the voice and almost mad a mad dash out of the park. No thanks to a couple of delayed binds that she was not able to escape. The girl then who was still sitting on her place walked toward the other girl.

When the girl was close enough she look at the still straggling Subaru.

"Subaru tell me you did not just try to run away from me did you." Tea asks Subaru with sarcasm.

Subaru could only squirm on the bind that was holding her captive.

"Tea…What are you doing here I was suppose to meet Nanoha san here….." As realization hit her she stummered.

"You didn't…? Did you?"

Tea walk closer to Subaru and with a mocking voice said "You didn't think you can ran away from me just like that do you? Or are you underestimating me? " once more Subaru tried to speak only to be stop by a slender finger on her lips.

"Subaru…. you idiot why did you not wait for me to answer you?" This time Tea has soften her voice there was no longer any trace of anger but in its stead a trace of sadness was visible. Subaru couldn't reply immediately but she did stop her struggle.

Seeing that Subaru had stop with her struggle tea unbind her. Now the two of them were standing in front of each other. Subaru has her head down looking at the cemented floor finding it interesting while she unclasped and clasp her fist. After a while of awkward silence Subaru decided to break the silence.

"Tea its just that you run away from me so suddenly and then I waited but you didn't come. You didn't even call me so I decided to you know leave without hearing what you're answer is. I think that I already know what you'll say anyway so I decided to distance myself from you."

"You know what my answer is without me telling you? So what do you think is my answer then enlighten me Subaru." Tea's raise one eyebrow on Subaru.

Subaru then started to fidget on her hand and once more seemed to be interested on the cemented floor."Wellll…."

Tea then let a big sigh out. She placed her hand on Subaru's face. She then felt Subaru flinch from the sudden motion. She tried to raise Subaru's face so that the two of them we're looking eye to eye. She then once more ask Subaru the same question. Once more she felt the girl in her hand flinch looking at her eyes she saw different emotion move from unease to anxious to fear and then sadness. Subaru couldn't answer her question.

Tea knowing Subaru could not answer then said "Then let me answer your question Subaru."

"No wait you don't have to answer just leave me alone for now okie so that I can move….."

Subaru was not able to finish her sentence when Tea suddenly captures her lips for a breath taking kiss.

Subaru who was in shock could only stand like a statue as Tea deepens then kiss. A few seconds later Tea broke the kiss when she realizes that Subaru was not responding to her kiss. Tea was about to ask Subaru about something when Subaru captures her lips for the second time this time however Tea answered her partners kiss with equal passion. A few minute later the two back away from each other panting for breath.

Subaru being the first to recover look at Tea with a confuse look. Tea seeing the confuse look her friend's face said

"I love you." In a soft tone that almost resemble a whisper.

Subaru however considering there closeness seems to not hear what Tea said.

Tea repeated what she said a little bit louder but alas Subaru was still not able to hear her. As this continue Tea started to get annoyed and thus blurted out

"I LOVE YOU Subaru you idiot how many times do you want me to say it god you should get your ears check."

Subaru then gave her the most beaming smile she could give. Then once more hug Tea while whispering to her ears "I know I just want you to scream it out for all to hear."Tea then broke to a furious full body blush.

"Idiot" Tea whispered to her new lover.

There that the third chapter hope you like it.

I'm thinking of having a sequel for this story though I don't know maybe if you review it and want one I'll come make it…

OMAKE

Unknown to the two girl they we're being watched.

"Ne, Hayate chan should we really be videoing them like this I mean doesn't this seem wrong somehow after all I was suppose to met Subaru her and all." Said a worried brunette to her friend.

"Hush Nanoha they might hear us jezz this is just to record our junior's sweet moment don't worry someday they might even be thankful for this." Said a short haired brunette who then proceed to smirk evilly.

"Okie if you say so but don't tell them that I help you okie I don't want to be on a receiving end of a starlight breaker after all."

The other brunette then looked at her friend the famous white devil with disbelief "What the hell does that mean nanoha chan?"

"Well you see I sort of thought Tea chan how to use that attack Nyahaha.."

"Then we better scram before we're caught. Why the hell did you even teach her that spell anyway jezz. But tell me is it that strong well."

"Sort of but it still hurt to be hit you know." Nanoha retort.

"Fine then." Walking a head from her friend nanoha didn't catch the smirk that hayate has on her face as she said in a whisper "Finally the proof those guy will have to pay for losing their bet kekekeke."

Nanoha then turn back to call for her friend to walk faster so they can go home earlier.


End file.
